Eat cake for breakfast
Growing up, my family celebrated birthdays with cake and ice cream for breakfast.
This was mostly for practical reasons. I’m the oldest of four kids, all born within four years of each other. My home was always chaos. Dinner and bedtimes were insanity and unpredictable.
At breakfast time, however, everyone was home and relatively calm before the day’s bullshit had gotten us dysregulated and zooming around. If we were going to celebrate a birthday as a family, breakfast was the most convenient time to do it.
But we also did this because, as my mom used to say, if you start your day with cake and ice cream, how bad of a day can it ultimately be?
As an adult, I’ve tweaked this ritual a bit, but kept the spirit the same: I celebrate my birthday first thing in the morning — because then, no matter what disappointments might come on a day with so much build up, at least I’ve done one nice thing for yourself.1
So on my 21st birthday, I drank wine with my cereal, the only real celebration I had when I was living with two stranger-roommates in an apartment in LA during my semester off from school and knew nearly no one else in the city.
On my 27th, still reeling from the 2016 election and deep in the trenches after launching Run for Something a few weeks prior, I split a cupcake with my dog along with my morning coffee.
On my 31st birthday, during that first dark COVID winter, my then-fiance now-husband made me waffles covered in whipped cream and put a candle in them for me to blow out at 7am.
This morning, as I celebrated turning 35, the toddler and I ate chocolate chip pancakes while she screamed “TODAY IS MAMA’S BIRTHDAY! AND BABY’S BIRTHDAY! NOT DADA’S BIRTHDAY!” — she has somehow decided that me and her baby doll (appropriately named Baby) have the same birthday, and all week long has been telling us as much. (The actual baby just hung on my lap, occasionally laughing so much she gave herself hiccups.)
Some years I’ve done other bigger celebrations — karaoke, bowling, axe throwing, a memorable trip to the Medieval Times in New Jersey in which a bunch of us former Clinton staffers got assigned to root for the ultimately victorious knight, leading to some dark gallows humor about at least we’re finally winning something.
Other years, my birthday’s been smaller — this year, my only plans are indulging in a pilates class plus a yoga class, then my parents will put the kids to bed while my husband and I go to one of the only restaurants we could find on Resy that didn’t have a prix fixe Valentine’s Day menu.
And that’s okay. I started the day by marking the occasion. I got my celebration itch scratched. Everything else is bonus.
Any advice for embracing the back-half of your 30s? Let me know in the comments. I welcome your hottest tips.
Two book recs:
Good Dirt by Charmaine Wilkerson - A multi-generation epic about the Freemans, a wealthy Black family in Connecticut that experienced a tragedy in 2000, when their 15 year old son is shot and killed in an unsolved home invasion while 10 year old Ebby is home. 18 years later, Ebby — now a regular topic of the gossip rags — has been left at the alter by her handsome white fiancé for reasons TBD, so she goes off to France to recover. The story covers Ebby’s family from various perspectives + generations, united by the item of an old clay jar made by an enslaved potter connected to Ebby’s family 6 generations prior. It’s a lot to cover (and summarize) but the writing is really enjoyable and the ultimate conclusion is pretty satisfying.
These Summer Storms by Sarah MacLean - Got an advanced galley of this (thanks to Sarah’s team!!) and phew, what a fun read. Alice Storm is the estranged daughter of an extremely wealthy family; when her father dies she returns to the family island after five years away and reunites with her siblings as they deal with their crazy father’s inheritance game, overseen by a very handsome associate of her dad’s. Hot, funny, and exactly what I needed this week.
Other reading recs:
An argument for staying online and being a good digital citizen — even when you might want to fully throw your phone or computer into the sun. [How To Do Things With Memes]
“I’m not trying to give you more work, I’m considering how sharing and connection is a very accessible craft open to all of us.” [How my son gained 60,000 followers in 90 days]
I wrote this, so obviously I rec it, but I’ve gotten much much more positive feedback than I expected, so enjoy: “Aging Democrats Are Still Telling the Same Old Story. It’s Time to Turn the Page.” [The Daily Beast]
I do the same for my husband and kids! Birthday cake for breakfast for a two year old is high risk, high reward, but I got a kick out of it.
I think a tip I might have is, don't worry about what is proving beyond your reach. Just do what you can day by day, step by step. And stay in the moment as much as possible.