This is an absolutely STELLAR idea. I love especially the *if you can't make this week, there's always next" part. The process aspect; the open-endedness; that eventually people will come and that they'll likely meet new people; and that it's not about inviting "the right people to mix with these people on this exact occasion' control-freak stuff. Such a pleasure to read and ponder. I'm going to link to this in my newsletter. Thanks for writing. And keep us posted.
Thank you so much for sharing! Been feeling isolated at home with my 1yo son and wanting so badly to meet other like minded people. Parenthood can feel so lonely at times! Love your ideas, and hope to incorporate something similar in my own life.
Three cheers for community dinners on the regular! I'm at different stage of life. My solidly middle-aged and older friends are grappling with aging/dying parents and/or struggling adult children and/or their own health challenges — all these indignities in the face of fires, both actual and political. No one is okay. No one. My husband and I love to cook, so we roast salmon or burble chili and invite folks to gather around our large dining room table. Bring an appetizer to snack on, we say. Bring a salad. Bring your favorite wine. Or don't. Just come as you are. Come and eat and talk it all through. We do it once a month. It's a survival strategy.
This is a great idea! My husband and I unintentionally became regulars at Friday happy hour last year and a similar thing happened — our friends all know where we are on Friday at 5pm & come meet us when it lines up with their schedule. It’s so nice to have something consistent & low pressure! Perhaps this is the year we level up hosting!
In my experience the folks who see your "not good enough" house will feel so relieved to come, because in almost all likelihood their house is "not good enough" either. This is a real (non-performative) type of vulnerability IMHO. I'm a retired designer who recently moved and I've come to believe that to have a "not good enough" house is a joy. My house will never be "finished" because it is the work of my life to make it welcoming and beautiful. I get the anxiety part, though. I've always had it until now. Lately I've been inviting people in, even if I have a pile of unfolded laundry on the kitchen table. It's so freeing!
I have been trying to figure out how to move into IRL relationships. My social skills have gotten pretty rusty over the last few years and don’t know where to start yet, but I am trying to at least do the little things of asking questions and having a conversation with folks here and there.
This reminds me of “family dinners” friends of mine used to do when they lived in San Francisco during our 20s. I was in New York, and every time I visited, I marveled at the weekly ritual and felt sad for myself that something similar didn’t exist in my city, where it felt like no one ever had time to stop and chill, because we were all so broke, working in the arts, and hustling hard to make ends meet. Now I’m in my 40s with a child and lots of friends in the same boat in NY, and I actually think this idea of weekly weekend dinners is doable and PERFECT! I just think folks may have to rotate apartments, but I know a few families who would be down for this idea.
I love this so much! It reminds me of my friend Morlene’s huge family dinners in NYC’s Chinatown. She’s been able to pull off a streak of 100+ dinners, so I have high hopes for this Saturday dinner idea.
Alright so, this is a stellar idea! We might be committing to an every saturday tea time (wife is aussie) affair vs. dinner. Pop in around 4 ish till 6 ish. I think this is low stakes enough for us to prototype. Great read, Amanda. Thanks.
It’s crazy how many of us are lonely out there. I love the idea of scruffy hospitality (just google) for parents in the thick of it who feel ill equipped to “host” in the conventional way. We all just want to be together!!
I love how proactive you are about this, and I’d love an update midyear! I’m also very curious about how mutuality and reciprocation will work out in this method.. if you always have people over every sat, when can they invite YOU over? I think about this very deeply as I’m writing a book on community building and launching a How to find Your People Club here on Substack this week! https://thedoubleshift.substack.com/p/a-project-2025for-good
I've been toying with this idea a lot lately, especially since we have found that our spontaneous invites (24 hours before) have been the most successful. We have figured out that in this stage of life--newish parenthood--that last-minute anything is the way to go for most. I doubt we will do an every week invite but I'm thinking twice a month open invite is do-able. Thanks for sharing this idea, and I look forward to your updates!
Best New Year's resolution ever. When I lived in Cambridge MA just after college, some family friends did this - they hosted a weeknight potluck dinner each week and a group (always different) would gather for it. I loved it.
This is an absolutely STELLAR idea. I love especially the *if you can't make this week, there's always next" part. The process aspect; the open-endedness; that eventually people will come and that they'll likely meet new people; and that it's not about inviting "the right people to mix with these people on this exact occasion' control-freak stuff. Such a pleasure to read and ponder. I'm going to link to this in my newsletter. Thanks for writing. And keep us posted.
Thank you so much for sharing! Been feeling isolated at home with my 1yo son and wanting so badly to meet other like minded people. Parenthood can feel so lonely at times! Love your ideas, and hope to incorporate something similar in my own life.
It’s so hard!! Hang in there.
Three cheers for community dinners on the regular! I'm at different stage of life. My solidly middle-aged and older friends are grappling with aging/dying parents and/or struggling adult children and/or their own health challenges — all these indignities in the face of fires, both actual and political. No one is okay. No one. My husband and I love to cook, so we roast salmon or burble chili and invite folks to gather around our large dining room table. Bring an appetizer to snack on, we say. Bring a salad. Bring your favorite wine. Or don't. Just come as you are. Come and eat and talk it all through. We do it once a month. It's a survival strategy.
This is a great idea! My husband and I unintentionally became regulars at Friday happy hour last year and a similar thing happened — our friends all know where we are on Friday at 5pm & come meet us when it lines up with their schedule. It’s so nice to have something consistent & low pressure! Perhaps this is the year we level up hosting!
I love this so much. “Third spaces” aren't the only places to build community. I have my-house-isn’t-good-enough anxiety & I need to get over it.
In my experience the folks who see your "not good enough" house will feel so relieved to come, because in almost all likelihood their house is "not good enough" either. This is a real (non-performative) type of vulnerability IMHO. I'm a retired designer who recently moved and I've come to believe that to have a "not good enough" house is a joy. My house will never be "finished" because it is the work of my life to make it welcoming and beautiful. I get the anxiety part, though. I've always had it until now. Lately I've been inviting people in, even if I have a pile of unfolded laundry on the kitchen table. It's so freeing!
I have been trying to figure out how to move into IRL relationships. My social skills have gotten pretty rusty over the last few years and don’t know where to start yet, but I am trying to at least do the little things of asking questions and having a conversation with folks here and there.
This reminds me of “family dinners” friends of mine used to do when they lived in San Francisco during our 20s. I was in New York, and every time I visited, I marveled at the weekly ritual and felt sad for myself that something similar didn’t exist in my city, where it felt like no one ever had time to stop and chill, because we were all so broke, working in the arts, and hustling hard to make ends meet. Now I’m in my 40s with a child and lots of friends in the same boat in NY, and I actually think this idea of weekly weekend dinners is doable and PERFECT! I just think folks may have to rotate apartments, but I know a few families who would be down for this idea.
I love this so much! It reminds me of my friend Morlene’s huge family dinners in NYC’s Chinatown. She’s been able to pull off a streak of 100+ dinners, so I have high hopes for this Saturday dinner idea.
This is her recipe for community building, fwiw:
https://ryanroseweaver.substack.com/p/cooking-up-new-chosen-family-traditions
PS I loved that profile of Yarros, thank you for the link/rec!
I love this so much! Sometimes the routine -- "we always do this on Saturday night" -- is liberating, and makes the whole thing lower-stakes.
I’d love to do this with a level of pandemic precautions still in place. And with the near-PCR testing available, that would be possible!
Alright so, this is a stellar idea! We might be committing to an every saturday tea time (wife is aussie) affair vs. dinner. Pop in around 4 ish till 6 ish. I think this is low stakes enough for us to prototype. Great read, Amanda. Thanks.
It’s crazy how many of us are lonely out there. I love the idea of scruffy hospitality (just google) for parents in the thick of it who feel ill equipped to “host” in the conventional way. We all just want to be together!!
I love how proactive you are about this, and I’d love an update midyear! I’m also very curious about how mutuality and reciprocation will work out in this method.. if you always have people over every sat, when can they invite YOU over? I think about this very deeply as I’m writing a book on community building and launching a How to find Your People Club here on Substack this week! https://thedoubleshift.substack.com/p/a-project-2025for-good
That’s a good question! I’ll let you know how it goes.
I've been toying with this idea a lot lately, especially since we have found that our spontaneous invites (24 hours before) have been the most successful. We have figured out that in this stage of life--newish parenthood--that last-minute anything is the way to go for most. I doubt we will do an every week invite but I'm thinking twice a month open invite is do-able. Thanks for sharing this idea, and I look forward to your updates!
I could not love this more!
Best New Year's resolution ever. When I lived in Cambridge MA just after college, some family friends did this - they hosted a weeknight potluck dinner each week and a group (always different) would gather for it. I loved it.