Read this, loved it and then zoomed in on the spreadsheet because I love seeing people’s menus and was so touched to see that your husband prepared so many of my recipes (and love many of the others mentioned!!). Thanks for making my day!!
I read your original post, and it hung out in my head for a few weeks before I understood that I was being inspired. So I copied you! We modified to every other Saturday, and serve spaghetti every time (to keep cooking simple, and because it’s easy to accommodate dietary preferences). Spaghetti Saturday! We’ve been going strong since April, and it’s just the best. Some of our friend’s kids now call us “the spaghetti house”. We’re slowly adding more acquaintances to the invite list. Thank you for the idea and the inspiration. And if you’re ever in Sacramento on the second or fourth Saturday of the month c’mon over!
My friend host a monthly-ish “Spaghetti Social” for some of the families in our neighborhood and it always a highlight of my month! Love that you do this too!
I am *definitely* not capable of hosting people every week, but reading Katherine’s post convinced me to get over my anxiety and reach out to friends that I’ve been meaning to have over for more than a year. They’re coming over in two weeks! Thanks to both of you for the nudge.
I really love this idea! I’m retired now and I find it harder and harder to stay in touch with friends, mainly because everyone’s kids are grown and gone and a lot of them have decided to pick up and move elsewhere. This is a great solution to build back relationships or just to deepen relationships with the neighbors. So smart. Even if you hosted potlucks if you don’t want to do all the cooking yourself, that works just as well.
I love this and am inspired to emulate! I know this isn't the focus of your piece, but this was a quote that jumped out at me from the Derek Thompson 'demise of partying' piece that you cite here:
"As more women poured their weekdays into 9-to-5 work, men failed to take over the logistical labor required to fill out the social calendar, and adult gatherings gradually eroded in the age of the dual-earner household."
It struck me that your husband is doing a lot of the cognitive labor behind planning and organizing these gatherings and cooking for them too! That seems key here...was this a conscious negotiation between the two of you?
I'm curious because I'm editing a book right now about fatherhood, and I have a section in the book about how dads sometimes struggle to connect with other dads because there aren't as many built-in networks (moms groups and clubs) for dads as for moms. I've been trying to find some counterexamples of dads who successfully maintain their social connections after parenthood and it was cool to see this today!
Phew - this is such an astute observation!! I wouldn't say it's conscious, exactly, but rather this kind of division of labor is a key part of our partnership (and a big reason why I love him/married him in the first place, and more broadly, he is the reason why I get to have a big job and also side projects in addition to our kids.)
My husband is very into personal projects like this; it was his idea in the first place. (Our first year living together he taught himself to cook by trying to do every recipe in the Smitten Kitchen cookbooks, with a spreadsheet for tracking & everything.) More broadly, he does all the meal planning & cooking for our family, to the point where I genuinely don't know where things are in our kitchen -- this for sure would not be possible if he didn't own that major piece of the effort.
He's also the kind of guy who started & ran a virtual Shakespeare book club for a few years; he's in another book club still and joined our community board this year. He is really intentional about this kind of thing -- it's a real relief that I don't have to carry that load!
Your husband sounds awesome! My husband is not a cook but he does carry a lot of the mental load with the house and kids and it is such a boon to my quality of life and ability to balance work + parenting. Cheers to dudes like this!
I sometimes feel kind of guilty about talking/writing about how great he is -- but also, I wish more women knew they don't have to settle for a partner who doesn't do their share!
I like that your husband cooks from the same hits that I imagine a lot of us do- modern canon! (Julia, Deb, Alison, Carla, and Caro). I also love that every meal includes dessert- hell yeah!
I couldn’t love this more! This shouldn’t be the last one and this isn’t stupid! It’s inspiring and I saved the spreadsheet for inspiration. Thanks for including it. Wondering if most of those dishes were new or if your husband had made them before or regularly? Keep going! (We’re free most Saturdays…)
Thanks for this! I read it, showed it to my husband, and we decided to invite friends over for dinner our next free Saturday. We used to have people over for dinner before having our now 20 month old. This was a good nudge to try hosting with a toddler.
Love this tradition. I've done a much smaller-scaled version of this resolution myself, and I've found that the routine and predictability of it is what moves you toward developing a true community.
My partner and I once hosted a weekly potluck at our house for 3.5 years. People felt it was such a blessing. And it only worked because we gave ourselves a conplete pass on presentability or high brow cooking standards. Others provided. I completely resonate with the ending sentiment of pre-event what-were-we-thinking to post-event so-very-glad.
I really liked what you wrote about the weekly dinners with friends. I think this approach could really help us when we retire because my husband in particular has no social life outside work. But I love trying out recipes on a group of friends! I can’t stop thinking about it!
amanda!! such an inspiration. you’re certainly making magic in your own neighbourhood. while there are people who are naturally inviters and invitees, I’d like to make the transition from one to another, especially as I start having my own place (or renting rather, i’m not at homeownership age lol). i loosely recap reading your first piece when i started on substack so it’s wonderful to see a positive update on it :))
Read this, loved it and then zoomed in on the spreadsheet because I love seeing people’s menus and was so touched to see that your husband prepared so many of my recipes (and love many of the others mentioned!!). Thanks for making my day!!
This is the reason I love Substack! Julia, you are one of my heroes!
I read your original post, and it hung out in my head for a few weeks before I understood that I was being inspired. So I copied you! We modified to every other Saturday, and serve spaghetti every time (to keep cooking simple, and because it’s easy to accommodate dietary preferences). Spaghetti Saturday! We’ve been going strong since April, and it’s just the best. Some of our friend’s kids now call us “the spaghetti house”. We’re slowly adding more acquaintances to the invite list. Thank you for the idea and the inspiration. And if you’re ever in Sacramento on the second or fourth Saturday of the month c’mon over!
Omg I love this - Spaghetti Saturday is so fun!! Thanks for sharing.
Spaghetti is exactly the level of dinner I can commit to. And honestly, delicious & nutritious!
My friend host a monthly-ish “Spaghetti Social” for some of the families in our neighborhood and it always a highlight of my month! Love that you do this too!
That sounds amazing! I’m in Sacramento too. We are starting to host potlucks for the families in our neighborhood and love it too.
thanks for mentioning my work, i am of course fully obsessed with this update.
💕💕
I am *definitely* not capable of hosting people every week, but reading Katherine’s post convinced me to get over my anxiety and reach out to friends that I’ve been meaning to have over for more than a year. They’re coming over in two weeks! Thanks to both of you for the nudge.
I really love this idea! I’m retired now and I find it harder and harder to stay in touch with friends, mainly because everyone’s kids are grown and gone and a lot of them have decided to pick up and move elsewhere. This is a great solution to build back relationships or just to deepen relationships with the neighbors. So smart. Even if you hosted potlucks if you don’t want to do all the cooking yourself, that works just as well.
Girl I'm outside ur door rn gimme some of that cauliflower shwarma
It’s SO good.
I love this and am inspired to emulate! I know this isn't the focus of your piece, but this was a quote that jumped out at me from the Derek Thompson 'demise of partying' piece that you cite here:
"As more women poured their weekdays into 9-to-5 work, men failed to take over the logistical labor required to fill out the social calendar, and adult gatherings gradually eroded in the age of the dual-earner household."
It struck me that your husband is doing a lot of the cognitive labor behind planning and organizing these gatherings and cooking for them too! That seems key here...was this a conscious negotiation between the two of you?
I'm curious because I'm editing a book right now about fatherhood, and I have a section in the book about how dads sometimes struggle to connect with other dads because there aren't as many built-in networks (moms groups and clubs) for dads as for moms. I've been trying to find some counterexamples of dads who successfully maintain their social connections after parenthood and it was cool to see this today!
Phew - this is such an astute observation!! I wouldn't say it's conscious, exactly, but rather this kind of division of labor is a key part of our partnership (and a big reason why I love him/married him in the first place, and more broadly, he is the reason why I get to have a big job and also side projects in addition to our kids.)
My husband is very into personal projects like this; it was his idea in the first place. (Our first year living together he taught himself to cook by trying to do every recipe in the Smitten Kitchen cookbooks, with a spreadsheet for tracking & everything.) More broadly, he does all the meal planning & cooking for our family, to the point where I genuinely don't know where things are in our kitchen -- this for sure would not be possible if he didn't own that major piece of the effort.
He's also the kind of guy who started & ran a virtual Shakespeare book club for a few years; he's in another book club still and joined our community board this year. He is really intentional about this kind of thing -- it's a real relief that I don't have to carry that load!
Your husband sounds awesome! My husband is not a cook but he does carry a lot of the mental load with the house and kids and it is such a boon to my quality of life and ability to balance work + parenting. Cheers to dudes like this!
I sometimes feel kind of guilty about talking/writing about how great he is -- but also, I wish more women knew they don't have to settle for a partner who doesn't do their share!
Agreed! There are really great guys out there and our collective bar is often way too low.
I like that your husband cooks from the same hits that I imagine a lot of us do- modern canon! (Julia, Deb, Alison, Carla, and Caro). I also love that every meal includes dessert- hell yeah!
He’s just started trying to bake thru all of Dessert Person. I’m thrilled.
Omg that is such a good goal (although there are some PROJECTS)
lol the ending is so real
I couldn’t love this more! This shouldn’t be the last one and this isn’t stupid! It’s inspiring and I saved the spreadsheet for inspiration. Thanks for including it. Wondering if most of those dishes were new or if your husband had made them before or regularly? Keep going! (We’re free most Saturdays…)
Mostly new with a dash of old standbys. But all cookbooks he regularly references.
Thanks for this! I read it, showed it to my husband, and we decided to invite friends over for dinner our next free Saturday. We used to have people over for dinner before having our now 20 month old. This was a good nudge to try hosting with a toddler.
It’s great! Just hide the toys you know your kid will have a hard time sharing.
Thanks for the “from girl boss to no boss” article link. I’d be interested in what you think about the ideas raised there.
Love this tradition. I've done a much smaller-scaled version of this resolution myself, and I've found that the routine and predictability of it is what moves you toward developing a true community.
My partner and I once hosted a weekly potluck at our house for 3.5 years. People felt it was such a blessing. And it only worked because we gave ourselves a conplete pass on presentability or high brow cooking standards. Others provided. I completely resonate with the ending sentiment of pre-event what-were-we-thinking to post-event so-very-glad.
I really liked what you wrote about the weekly dinners with friends. I think this approach could really help us when we retire because my husband in particular has no social life outside work. But I love trying out recipes on a group of friends! I can’t stop thinking about it!
amanda!! such an inspiration. you’re certainly making magic in your own neighbourhood. while there are people who are naturally inviters and invitees, I’d like to make the transition from one to another, especially as I start having my own place (or renting rather, i’m not at homeownership age lol). i loosely recap reading your first piece when i started on substack so it’s wonderful to see a positive update on it :))
Every week! I am so impressed and love this practice. Thanks for sharing the spreadsheet, too!